I’m a therapist, yoga teacher and a meditation teacher, I’m consistently practicing and preaching the gospel of self-care. A few years ago “self-care” was on the tip of everyone’s tongues, but for many individuals, what once felt like an exciting and hopeful opportunity at finding inner peace and tending toward our own wellbeing now feels superficial and cliche. So what happened? How did our understanding of these practices go from empowering and nurturing to downright cheesy or even performative? And more importantly, let’s talk about why self-care still matters and how you can make self-care feel real.
“Self-Care” is Cheesy
Self-care feels cheesy because self-care *is* cheesy. I’m referring to the brand of “self-care” that is touted by our consumer culture. This is the commercialized brand of self-care that many of us are familiar with, it often uses superficial messaging to encourage us to spend our money and promises us emotional well-being in return. We’re familiar with messages like “buy this charcoal bath bomb and detoxify your life!”, and while there’s nothing inherently wrong with buying that bath bomb, it will not rewire your brain or your emotional experience. There’s an element of shallow indulgence in this messaging that does not and can not replace true caretaking.
What’s more is that the commercialization of self-care has absorbed many ancient indigenous practices like meditation, yoga, and breathwork but has completely disconnected the cultural relevance of these practices. For some of us, self-care feels cheesy because it’s presented in a way that doesn’t align with our cultural values or lived experiences. Many self-care narratives can feel overly scripted, ignoring the complexities of systemic barriers or the lived realities of folks of different cultures and lineages. We can honor the cultural lineages of ancient practices while also engaging honestly and authentically with our own culture and lived experience.
Self-Care is Non-Negotiable
Flawed as the self-care narratives may be, the practice of self-care is non-negotiable if you want to maintain mental, emotional, and physical health. Self-care isn’t about living lavishly or even “detoxifying your life”; it’s about building a habit of sustainability and resilience as you navigate life to prevent burnout or exhaustion. Just as you have to train daily to run a marathon, you have to practice self-care daily to navigate through the challenges of life. This is a radical prioritization of your own well-being not to make life challenges go away, but to be able to weather the storm when you’re in the thick of it. This can look like stepping away from your phone for a full weekend to reconnect with yourself, creating a playlist of songs that make you cry when you’ve been holding in emotions for too long, visiting a place that inspires you when you’re feeling lost, or committing to monthly check-ins with yourself where you write about your fears, goals, and progress. It might involve doing something that scares you, like speaking up about your needs to your boss, or simply deciding that today, grandma can watch the kids. These are the moments where self-care becomes a lifeline, not a luxury, and they help you keep moving forward.
Making Self-Care Feel Real
Start with redefining self-care for *you* this doesn’t need to look like anybody else’s version of
self-care, there are no rules. What truly nourishes you? Think beyond pampering and the
obvious “activities” like meditation, tap into activities that genuinely restore your energy and joy. Or maybe you have enough energy and joy but you need more rest and contemplative time. Take some time to consider what you actually need in your life and what activities can help you fulfill those needs. These don’t need to be things that you pay for, but they can if they meet your requirements for self-care! Self-care can be boring, glamorous, solo, a group activity, loud and chaotic or quiet and peaceful. The goal is to build and maintain habits that make it possible for you to show up everyday and live the life you lead.
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